Somewhere a long the way; somebody or some group of people instructed us that it is possible to feel ok all of the time. That the human mind should normally behave appropriate at all times. And if there is any part of your day or week or month that falls short of feeling 100 percent; there is something wrong with you. Let me tell you what happens to everybody, but they won’t talk about it. Because they feel that it’s only them. Everybody freaks out. I want to show you something. That’s a xanax. Point 5 milligrams. You know why I keep going back to my doctor for more? Not because I take them. Because I run them through the laundry. These do not go through my blood stream; these go through my plumbing. But I’ve got my point 5 in my pocket in case I freak the fuck out in front of all of you. If you want to freak out; freak out. If you feel like all the sudden you’re sick and you want to cry; go do it. Just everybody accept that everybody is going to freak out. Yeah, everybody’s going to freak out! You’re not going to be 100 percent all the time! Let me make it easy for you. You’re going to freak out. You’re going to have at least one point a week that doesn’t feel right. But maybe it doesn’t feel so wrong if you know that it is something that is supposed to happen to you. It is the other side of being conscious and loving. That there are going to be times when you have to hit control, alt, delete. You might be walking through an air port, you might be having the time of your life. In fact, it’s more likely to happen during the best part of your life. You might sit down in Cabo, put your feet in the sand, crack open a Corona and whine. Thats you not letting yourself have a good time. And I know there’s somebody out there going, “I want to go to the bathroom and go home”. ME TOO! Nobody wants to go home more than me, and I gotta play on stage every night. So what I’m trying to say to you, is fight on.
This song goes out to a lady that I met on AOL one time. I used to be a real pig and back in the heyday of AOL when there were actually some curious, normal users out there, I looked up in the member directory–God, I’m such a cornball–“female, Fairfield County, Connecticut.” That’s where I lived at the time, and I just felt like if I was going to start being witty with people, and God bless the delete key ‘cause you can be anything you wanna be. I wish I could proofread what I say in real life - that would be just grand.
And I think I started out some kind of phrase like, some pickup line like, “Hey, I see in your profile that you like bedpans,” and she didn’t. But, guys, I think I figured out the secret to getting a girl’s attention-but I can’t promise what happens after that attention-but you gotta be aware of what’s kinda been done a lot-and know what’s corny, be wacky if you have to, but just don’t be corny.
Am I right ladies at all?
[whispered] I have a vagina, too.
So anyway, we met. We started talking, hanging out. She was a dental hygienist. She taught me that I should floss before I brush, not brush before I floss, just because it sounds better in that order. She gave me free toothbrushes all the time, which saved me, I don’t know, 12 bucks a year. And she was 24 and I was 19, and I really, really, really wanted it to work ‘cause I thought this lady was cool. We started hanging out all the time, it was like scenes from a movie. It was great. I guess she started feeling pressure from her friends in cubicles at work- although she’s a dental hygienist, so she doesn’t have a cubicle.
Anyway, so we hung out, we did all this stuff and kissing and stuff. And I’m like, “Am I your boyfriend?” She was like, “No, you’re really not my boyfriend,” and told me that all the time. I was like, “You pretty much seem like my girlfriend.” And she was like, “Shhh. Now let’s not talk about that.” It’s kinda like I had this job requirement - how many people do the work of the manager but they don’t actually have the manager badge and get paid? It’s like “I know I’m the manager-I know I run this place!”
And that’s what happened. I was like - we’ve got everything, we’ve got everything it takes. We are boyfriend and girlfriend, you just don’t wanna admit it. And then she was house sitting one night and she wanted to sleep with me. And I kicked myself for a little while after that, but I’m really happy that I said this to her. I said, “I just want you to know that if we do that, which I have no objection to doing, we are boyfriend and girlfriend-there’s no going back after that.”
So I went over to her place, and I started making out with her, and I looked up and she was watching the TV. I know that was some sort of defense mechanism for her - I know she really didn’t want to see what was on TV. I took it kind of hard. She sat there and got up and she went “you can’t really give me what I need.” And I said “what is that?” and she was like, “you’re just not the one for me.”
I just wanted to tell her about what it’s like to be in the moment with someone and be in such denial about it. It’s, it’s bullshit. So I wrote this song called Love Soon.
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
Acts, 1:8 (NIV)
Happy Pentecost ~
‘I don’t feel very much like Pooh today,’ said Pooh.
‘There there,’ said Piglet. ‘I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.’